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About Literature / Hobbyist Member SargonMale/United States Groups :icondarthdictatusstudy: DarthDictatusStudy
 
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That people actually seem to like my work on occasion is a constant surprise.

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To be honest I've been trying, fairly indelicately, to close or outright kill connections recently between myself and others. As you know there is that looming problem overhead, and this time there's no grace extended. It's sixteen days into the month and even with the best of wild imaginings I can't imagine being hired before the two weeks are out at this rate.

Sometimes when a friend holds you close and you've simply more despair and rage than you can contain, you'd rather shove them away and run with a pretense at cruelty than actually let them in where you know the real thing will spike at them. It'll be easier to disappear, you think to yourself, if they're less concerned. There is the mild balance between making sure they won't hate you forever, in case you should manage to return, and between leaving them so attached that they offer you a bed from pity. .

Without the matters of heart and feeling to think about, surely it'll be easier to get along with facing the future.

No doubt I'm actually terribly wrong to do these things, but have you ever had that terrible little internal struggle where consolation actually made something hurt worse, and all your distractions simply made it more terrible acute in your mind?

Ah- that's where we get into the title.

-I'm- not going to be there for much longer, but I wanted to share something a few of you might enjoy. :icondragonage-ethenansal: is a small roleplaying group seeking new members. Don't know anything about Dragon Age? You don't actually have to. Several of the existing ones are still learning about Thedas, and since it's dealing in new lands and bits (see for yourself on their journals if you're interested!), you don't need to learn a thousand and one things about the games. It's fairly casual, too, so if you've any questions and you're polite someone is sure to help you out. :)

Let's see...

Saying I love you all is counterproductive to the first aim stated, but I give you my fondest goodbye if it doesn't work out, anyway. I've elected not to respond to your well wishes, but I've appreciated them between the bashing head into walls and general arghhhh.
  • Listening to: The linked playlist
  • Reading: Dragon Age comics
  • Watching: cat sleep
  • Playing: with the nephew
  • Eating: pens
  • Drinking: vodka

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DarthVengeance0325
Sargon
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Hear me, O ye listener,
And know this to be true-
My pleasure comes from listening
To each and all of you.


"The day my words mean something is the day my words have meaning."


Current Residence: San Antonio, Texas, at the moment
Print preference: Large, well done.
Favourite genre of music: Classic Rock/Progressive Metal/Instrumental
Favourite style of art: Sci-fi.
Operating System: Windows XP
Favourite cartoon character: Edward Elrick
Personal Quote: "The best defense is a good offense"
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:icondarthvengeance0325:
DarthVengeance0325 Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Do you remember the crazy, heady days when you thought,

"Someone will like this!"

And that made it all worth while?

Do you remember the first time that dopey little eager grin faded, and you felt the sting of self judgement- what was wrong with it? What was wrong with you? Why did you think that it would be of merit or amusement in the first place?

Do you remember the first time you felt... lack of luster... in someone's words, as if they were just obliging you? Keeping you from making any more commotion with a few quiet coddles before going back. The duty of a friend, not the happiness of someone that actually wanted anything you had to offer.

Do you remember when they said maybe? Weren't those the best? 

Or the ones that made hate groups without ever telling you they thought there was something wrong until they had attacking members?

Or the ones that fell away?

Now,

When was the last time you thought to yourself,

"I don't care if they do or don't"

And meant it?

When was the last time you did something solely for yourself and screw opinion?

Why don't you ever, ever, ever learn?

They don't want it and any attempt otherwise on your part only causes more strain on a relationship probably long since broken.

Go publish a novel like Buggy or script a Leylines like Robin or write series like Ursulav and maybe you'll have an inkling of what's worth someones' time. You? You can't even finish the first round of an OCT. You? You can't so much as preplan.

Yeah, life sucks in the real world. That doesn't mean the fake world is any comfort, sucker. You can't be that little kid. Take a hike. Go away. Get lost. This losing the electricity and the residence may be good for you. At least it'll shut up the plaintive part. 
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:icondarthvengeance0325:
DarthVengeance0325 Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Not really no. 
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:icondarthvengeance0325:
DarthVengeance0325 Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I shall look at it immediately, then return to grading papers. :) Thank you, Camara-san.
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:iconcamara-san:
You definately need more freetime, sir
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:iconcamara-san:
Friend! \o^o/
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:icondarthvengeance0325:
DarthVengeance0325 Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Eviction in twelve days if I don't get a job. :/
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